The past few years I have worked in environments surrounded by tourists, rich snobs, and stupid, stupid people. It never ceases to amaze me the dumb questions I get asked on a daily basis at work. Just when I think people can't get any more dumb, I'm proven wrong by some idiot, overweight, Floridian that thinks Alaskans live in igloos and hunt polar bears. I usually respond politely with an answer that makes them believe they actually asked me a legitimate question. Sometimes I wish I weren't so nice. How badly I desire to tell them what a moron they are and they should probably still be in school at age 55. Send them on 'Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?' and make them face reality.
Conversations working at the coffee shop (Kansas City and Dallas) :
Man: "Do I get free refills on my latte?
Alex: "No, sir. Only on drip coffee.
Man: "If I buy a latte can I get a free refill of coffee?"
Alex: "I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way."
Man: "What if I tip you a dollar? Would you make an exception?"
Alex: "I can't do that, but if you willing to spend twelve more cents you can have both." (dumbass.)
Woman: "Now, are there nuts in your cinnamon walnut coffee cake?"
Alex: "Yes..." (Did you not just read that label out loud to me?)
Man: "What is the difference between a cappuccino and a latte?"
Alex: "They both have the same amount of espresso, but a latte consists of primarily steamed milk, while a cappuccino is mostly all foam."
Man: "Okay, the cappuccino is the one I want."
(minutes later once I finish making his drink...)
Man: "Is there anything in here? Why is the cup so light?"
Alex: "The cappuccino weighs less because it's mostly foam."
Man: "Oh, how am I supposed to drink this? Will you add more milk?"
Alex: "Sure. No problem." (Seriously? That was damn good foam too.)
Conversations working at the zip line (Juneau, Alaska) :
(hiking up the equivalent of 4 flights of stairs)
Woman: I can't breathe. I'm from Texas, I'm not used to mountains. What elevation are we at?
Alex: Not high actually. Just less than 200 feet. (You just stepped off your cruise ship sailing through the Pacific ocean, so you're practically at sea level, dumbass.)
Girl: Where can I convert my cash into Alaskan money?
Alex: The bank. There's a wells fargo downtown. (She'll figure it out soon enough)
Man: Where is Sarah Palin's house?
Alex: She doesn't live in Juneau.
Man: Isn't Juneau the capitol? Doesn't she like work here?
Alex: Sarah Palin resigned last summer, sir. And her family is from Wasilla. (clearly you're her biggest fan. Not to mention extremely educated on politics.)
Conversations working at old navy (Overland Park, Kansas) :
Alex: How many items do you have?
Woman: I don't know...about ten.
Alex: Okay, you can only take six items in at a time.
Woman: What if I have two of the same shirt only different colors. Does that count as one?
Alex: No, just take one of them in. (Of course that doesn't count...and why would you try on two of the same exact shirt?)
Conversations working at the water park (Branson, Missouri) :
Man: Can my infant ride on my lap on this ride?
Me: I'm sorry, but you can't do that. (You are a 300lb man on an inner-tube riding down a long, dark tunnel slide. Are you trying to kill your baby?)
I mean...seriously?
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
"Life isn't a fairytale, but love can be."
Alex's guilty pleasures list:
- Reading the tabloids at the checkout counter (I never actually buy them but it's just good to know Lindsay Lohan is spending 90 days behind bars)
- Ben and Jerry's ice cream (recent liking towards their mint chocolate cookie flavor)
- A select few Miley Cyrus songs (who wouldn't want to party in the USA?)
- The Bachelorette (my own life doesn't have nearly enough drama to keep me entertained)
Don't judge me. I'm not really ashamed of any of these things, so you shouldn't be embarrassed for me. I can't speak for all my five roommates, but most of us can't wait for Monday night to roll around. Though, I think two of them are in denial of their love for the show. Two full hours of drama, hot boys, and cheesy comments on love is the highlight of our week. We don't really take this show seriously. We are probably the most cynical group of girls you'll meet. So, therefore, watching this show gives us the satisfaction of making fun of others love lives, or their twisted idea of life and love.
Now, Ali the Bachelorette, I surprisingly actually like. However, she has shitty taste in men. I respected her decision on leaving Jake last season to keep her job. Smartest choice anyone has ever made on this show. Not so much the job aspect, but ditching that douche Jake. He's like a little girl, but we won't get me started on him. This is about Ali. The pretty, career-orientated, San Fransisco gal. I find it hard to believe a girl like her would have to go on a reality show to find her "soul mate." Whether she finds her true love or not, I can tell she is growing so much on this show.
Lessons learned to take away from Ali Fedotowsky:
- "At first I thought life isn't a fairytale, Ali. I kept telling myself that, but then I realized that life may not be, but love can be a fairytale and if I had that I'd have a great life." (You got it half right, girlfriend.)
- "I think it's very difficult to be on a date with two guys at once. It's so awkward." (You mean that's not normal?)
- "I think I'm worrying this week and the guys are seeing that and seeing me stress and worry. It's a big deal I feel to meet someone's parents and I just need to take it one day at a time." (Yes, one day at a time. When you only have 8 weeks to find your husband, slow is the way to go.)
- "I just thought in the long run I didn't see it working out." (Long run? Short run? Is there a difference on this show?)
- "I came here to find a husband and you are effing with that!" (that's what you get for keeping a professional wrestle nicknamed "Rated-R" past the first round)
Personally, I thought Kasey was the way to go. Who else is going to 'guard and protect' your heart or burst out into song made up on the spot? Kidding. I hope he got that stupid heart and shield tattoo removed immediately once he got home. Ridiculous. Jesse was by far my favorite, but I suppose of the ones left I would have to go with Chris. Him and his family seem pretty legit, but I still question anyone's sanity that signs themselves up for this show. I think Ali will pick Roberto. Their relationship is all physical, but that's the most important thing, right?
Gentleman, Ali....the final rose of the evening....
- Reading the tabloids at the checkout counter (I never actually buy them but it's just good to know Lindsay Lohan is spending 90 days behind bars)
- Ben and Jerry's ice cream (recent liking towards their mint chocolate cookie flavor)
- A select few Miley Cyrus songs (who wouldn't want to party in the USA?)
- The Bachelorette (my own life doesn't have nearly enough drama to keep me entertained)
Don't judge me. I'm not really ashamed of any of these things, so you shouldn't be embarrassed for me. I can't speak for all my five roommates, but most of us can't wait for Monday night to roll around. Though, I think two of them are in denial of their love for the show. Two full hours of drama, hot boys, and cheesy comments on love is the highlight of our week. We don't really take this show seriously. We are probably the most cynical group of girls you'll meet. So, therefore, watching this show gives us the satisfaction of making fun of others love lives, or their twisted idea of life and love.
Now, Ali the Bachelorette, I surprisingly actually like. However, she has shitty taste in men. I respected her decision on leaving Jake last season to keep her job. Smartest choice anyone has ever made on this show. Not so much the job aspect, but ditching that douche Jake. He's like a little girl, but we won't get me started on him. This is about Ali. The pretty, career-orientated, San Fransisco gal. I find it hard to believe a girl like her would have to go on a reality show to find her "soul mate." Whether she finds her true love or not, I can tell she is growing so much on this show.
Lessons learned to take away from Ali Fedotowsky:
- "At first I thought life isn't a fairytale, Ali. I kept telling myself that, but then I realized that life may not be, but love can be a fairytale and if I had that I'd have a great life." (You got it half right, girlfriend.)
- "I think it's very difficult to be on a date with two guys at once. It's so awkward." (You mean that's not normal?)
- "I think I'm worrying this week and the guys are seeing that and seeing me stress and worry. It's a big deal I feel to meet someone's parents and I just need to take it one day at a time." (Yes, one day at a time. When you only have 8 weeks to find your husband, slow is the way to go.)
- "I just thought in the long run I didn't see it working out." (Long run? Short run? Is there a difference on this show?)
- "I came here to find a husband and you are effing with that!" (that's what you get for keeping a professional wrestle nicknamed "Rated-R" past the first round)
Personally, I thought Kasey was the way to go. Who else is going to 'guard and protect' your heart or burst out into song made up on the spot? Kidding. I hope he got that stupid heart and shield tattoo removed immediately once he got home. Ridiculous. Jesse was by far my favorite, but I suppose of the ones left I would have to go with Chris. Him and his family seem pretty legit, but I still question anyone's sanity that signs themselves up for this show. I think Ali will pick Roberto. Their relationship is all physical, but that's the most important thing, right?
Gentleman, Ali....the final rose of the evening....
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