Did you seriously just ask me that?

The past few years I have worked in environments surrounded by tourists, rich snobs, and stupid, stupid people. It never ceases to amaze me the dumb questions I get asked on a daily basis at work. Just when I think people can't get any more dumb, I'm proven wrong by some idiot, overweight, Floridian that thinks Alaskans live in igloos and hunt polar bears. I usually respond politely with an answer that makes them believe they actually asked me a legitimate question. Sometimes I wish I weren't so nice. How badly I desire to tell them what a moron they are and they should probably still be in school at age 55. Send them on 'Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?' and make them face reality.

Conversations working at the coffee shop (Kansas City and Dallas) :

Man: "Do I get free refills on my latte?
Alex: "No, sir. Only on drip coffee.
Man: "If I buy a latte can I get a free refill of coffee?"
Alex: "I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way."
Man: "What if I tip you a dollar? Would you make an exception?"
Alex: "I can't do that, but if you willing to spend twelve more cents you can have both." (dumbass.)

Woman: "Now, are there nuts in your cinnamon walnut coffee cake?"
Alex: "Yes..." (Did you not just read that label out loud to me?)

Man: "What is the difference between a cappuccino and a latte?"
Alex: "They both have the same amount of espresso, but a latte consists of primarily steamed milk, while a cappuccino is mostly all foam."
Man: "Okay, the cappuccino is the one I want."
(minutes later once I finish making his drink...)
Man: "Is there anything in here? Why is the cup so light?"
Alex: "The cappuccino weighs less because it's mostly foam."
Man: "Oh, how am I supposed to drink this? Will you add more milk?"
Alex: "Sure. No problem." (Seriously? That was damn good foam too.)


Conversations working at the zip line (Juneau, Alaska) :

(hiking up the equivalent of 4 flights of stairs)
Woman: I can't breathe. I'm from Texas, I'm not used to mountains. What elevation are we at?
Alex: Not high actually. Just less than 200 feet. (You just stepped off your cruise ship sailing through the Pacific ocean, so you're practically at sea level, dumbass.)

Girl: Where can I convert my cash into Alaskan money?
Alex: The bank. There's a wells fargo downtown. (She'll figure it out soon enough)

Man: Where is Sarah Palin's house?
Alex: She doesn't live in Juneau.
Man: Isn't Juneau the capitol? Doesn't she like work here?
Alex: Sarah Palin resigned last summer, sir. And her family is from Wasilla. (clearly you're her biggest fan. Not to mention extremely educated on politics.)

Conversations working at old navy (Overland Park, Kansas) :

Alex: How many items do you have?
Woman: I don't know...about ten.
Alex: Okay, you can only take six items in at a time.
Woman: What if I have two of the same shirt only different colors. Does that count as one?
Alex: No, just take one of them in. (Of course that doesn't count...and why would you try on two of the same exact shirt?)


Conversations working at the water park (Branson, Missouri) :

Man: Can my infant ride on my lap on this ride?
Me: I'm sorry, but you can't do that. (You are a 300lb man on an inner-tube riding down a long, dark tunnel slide. Are you trying to kill your baby?)


I mean...seriously?